Covid 19 is my Coach during shelter in place. This is my story or what I refer to as my toboggan ride.
“Burnout” is a phrase I know well. After all, I’m a Learning and Development Coach. Yet, I just didn’t know how burnt out I was until the shelter in place mandate was announced in my hometown, San Francisco. My burnout was the result of being the sole care taker for my mom for the last 10 years and then both parents for the past 5 years. My mom lived in Sonoma and my dad lived in San Francisco. Three years ago, I moved them both out of their homes into an Assisted Living in Sonoma. My dad passed away 12/17/19. Yet, I kept going. And, going. I am certain if it wasn’t for my meditation practice, my friends and my New Ventures West coaching colleagues, I would be in a corner rocking myself while loudly singing a bad mantra.
I skipped the part of rocking myself while reciting a mantra. Instead on March 16th, I collapsed from exhaustion. Got sick. Not Covid 19, thankfully. I slept non-stop. When I was awake, I was struck by all the loss. Not just the death of my dad. The loss for all us, our way of life. The loss, the grief overwhelmed me.
My initial reaction to Covid 19 as my coach was to ignore the lessons “the coach” was relentlessly whispering in my ear. Plus, I did not view the time at home as an opportunity to learn. So, I turned away from the opportunity, ignored my feelings. Rather than reflect, I binge watched, baked cookies, exchanged hilarious jokes and participated in Zoom happy hours. Didn’t we all?
I began to realize, Covid 19 was providing a container to heal my burn out. I felt something tugging on my heart between the cookie baking and Netflix marathons. After I recovered from my bug, I had more energy. More time. My meditations and nature hikes got longer and I journaled more. All these practices began to ground me while supporting my wellbeing. I got curious about the loss, my grief. Since I wasn’t working, I had time to reflect on loss.
Over the last several months my practices along with slowing down provided an opportunity to reconnect with myself. Heal. When I look over my shoulder and reflect on this last 10 years, I realize, I was burnout due my belief that I needed to put my parents first in order to be a “good daughter”. I forgot that I am goodness, already a good daughter. And, that I need to care for myself in order to take care of my parents.
The experience at home has provided a time to replenish, develop while noticing the magic in life.
Life is magical. Even when life is hard, I dig deep to find life’s magic when challenged.
I have learned with every loss, I find more of myself. If my job or even my dad remained, what happen next couldn’t.
The new space is where the gifts come in, life’s magic. The key is to accept the loss. Otherwise, I miss the lesson, a new lens to view my life’s magic.
Grief is not my favorite teacher. Yet, I have experienced that grief’s pain fosters my growth. If that loss had not occurred in my life, I would not have grown, evolved as I am today. It’s is not easy for me, it is painful.
For me, Covid 19 is a tough Coach. Yet, it allowed me to slow down, embrace my grief, begin to heal and learn. I am committed to my practices to maintain my wellbeing. I am learning how to breathe through my tough moments. To be with my emotions while discovering the magic of life.
Life’s magic is present in my life, it’s in every breath I take, my nature hikes, the loving gestures from my friends & coaching colleagues.
And, now, since my burnout is diminishing, I realize the magic is the love in my mom’s voice, I see it in her eyes through the glass window when I visit.
Life’s magic is pure love.
“ Love is the key to magic and miracles” Rumi